Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted children. I think there may have been a 48 hour period some years ago when I thought, "God, this world is effed in the A. Maybe having kids is not such a great idea." That period passed however and as each year came and went I found myself thinking more and more about children. I did nothing to pursue this however, as it was something I figured would someday happen, little effort needed. Good thing too because there were quite a few undesirables I dated who would have made horrible fathers. And to be fair, I would have probably been a really craptastic mom had children come earlier in my life.
At any rate, a child was born and what a fantastic child she is. This blog isn't about how great my daughter is though, we'll save that blog for later and we'll call it, "Perfect, Perfect Princess, Mommy Loves You," so that all of you will know to skip that blog if you don't feel like hearing about how cool my kid is.
AS I WAS SAYING, this blog is about how motherhood has created quite the cognitive and emotional challenge for me. Let me be specific: How is it possible to love someone so much that you would willingly and gladly jump in front of a bus if it meant they got to have more time on this planet while at the same time long to throw on your pretty girl costume, dash out of the house and meet your girlfriends for copious amounts of wine. How is it possible to love someone so much you willingly and gladly wipe their boogers on your favorite pair of jeans (and leave said bogey there all day, hard and crusty for the world to see) and at the same time long to crawl into bed and take an uninterrupted three hour nap with the bed all to yourself.
Most people on the planet are parents or will become parents so perhaps we don't talk about it because "everyone [literally] is doing it" so what's the big deal, but becoming a parent is a big ass deal! I don't want to sound like the loser who at 34 still talks about catching the football in the big high school game but can we all just pop open a bottle of red and reminisce about how ridiculously easy our lives were before we had kids? Recognizing who we were and how much we miss that person does not mean we are bad parents, oh no, it actually means that we have a fighting chance in hell to be really cool parents, the ones who leave the radio volume so high that when you start the car your kids are like, "Whoa Mom, gettin' a little crazy during your afternoon commute?"
I love being a mom and I love how being a mom makes me feel. Whatever doubts I had about my capacity to love someone fully and without pride have vanished and I am left with the warmest feeling, the most human of all feelings and I am forever changed and forever humbled and grateful. AND AT THE SAME TIME, I love being a sassy, smart, sexy woman! The challenge herein is to marry these two selves. How? I know not but what fantastic homework!
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