Diet? No!

Let's be clear, I have been on a diet for approximately 18 years. Not that I'm even remotely considering dieting while pregnant (I'm not that crazy), I will say that its a bit odd to be able to eat whatever my body tells me to. Let's also be clear that my body doesn't always crave things like kale, apple cider vinegar, and celery. My body, perhaps stuck 18 years in the past, likes such things as pizza, ice cream, dairy in ridiculous amounts, pasta, chocolate cake, and full fat yogurt.
The more I read pregnancy books, which by the way I don't recommend doing, the worse I feel. I'm supposed to have only gained 2 pounds in my first trimester and as the last week of trimester one passes by, I'm approximately 8 pounds (11 if I weigh myself at night) over-stuffed. I could feel bad about this, however eating about every 15 minutes was the only way I could remotely survive the torture that was the last 8 weeks. Therefore, I don't care. My mother gained 60 pounds with me and then proceeded to look like a porn star for most of her life. I'm going with genetics on this one.

Funny how things happen...

I will say however, that I have been musing over the fact that I did get pregnant. For so long I sort of convinced myself that I couldn't get pregnant. I had no proof of this of course, besides the fact that I'm not 22, but no evidence suggesting that my fertility was in question. I thought that at the very least it would be difficult for me to conceive and when that time came there would be a lot of trials and tribulations, tears and temper tanturms, and maybe a lost baby or two. I even found myself looking at adoption pages on the internet, thinking it's the baby I want, not necessarily the pregnancy and certainly not the birth (how right I was about one thing). So, funny how things happen. It was so simple, so simple that I didn't even notice that everything was changing inside the body I thought I knew so well. Despite how difficult this has been, I can't help but be incrediably thankful for this gift that has so utterly changed my life. And thank goodness I have the partner I do. I think more than anything I have found myself wondering if I deserve such a good man but before I can analyze all the reasons why I don't, he's there, with a snack and a smile. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sweet little lies

The Official List of Lies (spoken from the mouths of women as far back as I can remember):
1. "Pregnancy is a magical time."
No it is not. If you think being dizzy, fat, bloated, mean, an utter failure at work, nauseas all the time, I mean all the time, then your idea of magic differs greatly from mine. I just watched the entire series of Harry Potter, because side note, watching TV is about all I can do, and they're doing things that seem a hell of lot more like magic than sitting around contimplating what muumuu to sport at the office tomorrow.
2. "You'll love being pregnant."
Why exactly will I enjoy being pregnant? Maybe it was your dream all your life to be a host to an alien being but I sort of liked things the way they were, you know, when I could fit into my jeans. Try as I might, I also can't seem to find the delight in feeling like I have the stomach flu 24/7 for about three months and wanting nothing to do with food, yet knowing that the more I eat, the better I'll feel. Im all about contradictions but when it involves my stomach, I don't think it's very cute.
3. "When you're pregnant you get to eat whatever you want."
Actually, no I can't eat whatever I want. I tried to eat a burger, once my favorite food and I had to pull over in rushhour traffic and throw it up. The cop that pulled up behind me thought I was drunk. Luckily he saw the gleen of crazy in my eye and decided to leave well enough alone. I would have killed him and I probably would have gotten off scott free, just sayin'. I live on a diet of sparkling soda, yogurt and bread. The most exciting food decision I make during the day is which flavor of yogurt do I mind least coming back up.