Sunday, June 30, 2013

T for toddler and total f***ing tantrum

About 15 minutes after I said that I love the toddler stage Ellis started exhibiting very obnoxious and embarrassing behaviors, which by the by, only occur in public. For example: went to our local health food store, which by the way, is chalk full of baby haters. I get more dirty looks in that place then I did in junior high. Yes, little hippies, eat your GMO free food and gluten free crackers with raw goat cheese, but it won't save you at the gates after making audible disapproving clicking sounds with your tongue at my daughter. ANYWAY, Ellis likes things to go just so whilst shopping, as do I but our agendas rarely line up and we usually end up leaving in tears (usually  hers but sometimes mine). She's little, you know, relatively speaking but she does this limp noodle/donkey kick/slap you in your effing face mom maneuver that's really unpleasant and people look at me and I swear they're thinking, "Aren't you a children's therapist?!" Most likely they're thinking, "Oh, I'm glad my kids are grown" or "maybe it's a good thing after all that I never had children," or "that lady really shouldn't leave the house."  The worst is when you run into other moms, not the cool moms who say, "That's nothing. My kid stabbed me with a fork last night." No, it's the worst when you run into the moms who like to pretend they're perfect and their spawn is therefore also perfect.They never cry or hit or donkey kick. Those moms suck and should be banished from the land. 

This is all to say that I need some toddler tactics. My problem is that I own about 700 parenting books but if the author says one thing I don't like I throw the book away. I'm really hoping I can relax my standards, lest we starve to death. 


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Bad blogger, bad!

It has been way too long. Thus far, I make a very bad blogger. Alas, I have been busy with my sweet, sweet lovins' and her wonderful daddy, who I have begun calling Malibu Ken as he is very tan and blonde right now. I also have a rather large job, running a counseling agency in Taos. It's not a good time to be in behavioral health. The world is effed, the money is drying up and the combination of the two makes for a lot of grumpy politicians who unfortunately run the show. I have been fantasizing again about being a stay-at-home author but I haven't written anything worth much in a very long time so I'm feeling like I have no business fantasizing about this at all. Still, I love the feeling that rushes over me when I imagine myself doing exactly what I love and being able to see Ellis more often. I love my current job very much but the politics of helping people stay well is enough to drive a person crazy. I can only handle so much irony.

There is so much on my mind right now it's hard to unwrap it all. Professionally, I am facing a lot of big questions. It's scary and I'm worried but it's good practice in trusting that the universe is a friendly place and all will be great once it shakes out. I used to be so good at going with the flow but once you throw in some student loans, a 401k, a car payment and a mortgage, the flow suddenly feels pretty clogged up. Still, my mind should be only on the startlingly impressive present moment. 

I am deep into wedding planning, which is a terribly good time. Aaron and I are totally on the same page, mostly because he only cares that the music and booze are good. This man has his priorities straight. 

I keep hearing that toddlers are a nightmare, but personally, I couldn't be happier with our sweet girl. She is so much fun. Talking tons, running, feeding the dogs, hiding the dog food from the dogs, swimming (caul baby, I shouldn't be surprised), snuggling, kissing mommy on the knee as I cook. I could go on and on. I love being with her. I even love learning how to navigate her tantrums. Learning how to emotionally coach her so she feels free to express herself and at the same time doesn't fear emotions so she can have them and then let them wash over her and be gone. It's an amazing, healing process for me to watch. It's like starting all over. Learning to love yourself through your child. It's unbelievable.

There's my update. It's a bit of a verbal masturbation really. I do apologize. I will be brilliant next time. Stay tuned. Love.