Tuesday, December 23, 2014

He said

Be pleasing. Don't forget to smile. Tone it down Dorothy.

He said, " If she thinks she is intellectually superior, she has another thing coming."
He said, " I will put her in her place."
He said,  "She's too tall. Too Blonde. Too Young."

Most of the time I think that we've come a long way. Ask my mom. On any given day I can be recorded as saying, "Mom, it isn't like that anymore." Most of the time, it isn't. The most trouble I've had in my professional career has been with other women. I can count on one hand the women who have mentored me. Who understand what it feels like to be beautiful and smart. Even as I say this, I know there will be fall out. She thinks she's beautiful. What a cocky bitch. He said that too. He called me "cocky." Do you know how many women have been abused so that you can call me "cocky"?

What if, maybe, I'm good at what I do? What if I worked hard to be where I am? Harder than you. What if  I don't think, for a fucking second, that I should change who I am so that you will be more comfortable?

And yet, your comments are aggressive. They make me feel unsafe. They make me question myself. What I do. My role. I'm walking on egg shells so that the peace isn't disturbed. So that I'm not shamed for having been associated with anything less than ideal.

In the next couple days I will know what to do. Lucky for you, I have been here before so I am confused, triggered, and feeling shameful about something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. It will all become clear, as it always does. You won't win. Not against us. Your are a dinosaur. Extinct. Irrelevant..

To my five fingers: Mom, Laurie, Susan, Jehan, Patsy. Warrior women, you give me wings, and claws. I am eternally grateful.

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