Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Let's Be Friends

I was talking to Aaron the other night and I admitted to him that I think I have a hard time making friends. I didn't used to or maybe it was just easier when you're younger because it's sort of like sink or swim. School is ripe full of friendship possibilities, from K to Master's program. Undergraduate is particularly fertile ground because you're drunk for three quarters of it, inhibitions down, "Hi, I'm Dorothy, let's be friends," check. I'm horrible at it now and I partly blame my craptastic choice in careers, social work, i.e., traumatize the shit out of myself everyday work. It doesn't make for a very bubbly personality.

And what am I supposed to talk about with my new friends? Can't talk about work, for legal reasons and also because it's pretty much the biggest buzz kill on the planet. I talk a lot about my kid, I used to talk a lot about my dogs before I had a kid. I also used to talk a lot about boys but once you decide on one, the conversation lacks a certain amount of luster, "Oh, me and Aaron? Yeah, we're good. You know, whatever."

So, I think I have low friend self-esteem and I'm so fucking busy the idea of having a beer with someone new literally scares the crap out of me. What if I resort to writing a to-do list in the middle of our first conversation? What if I drink too many beers because I'm away from my child for the first time in 20 months (including pregnancy mind you). What if I have nothing at all to say except, "I'm tired."

I did make one new friend fairly recently. It's a great story really. She dated my ex-boyfriend and then dated his best friend who happened to be friends with Aaron and they happen to be skiing on the day that I met Aaron so I was introduced to Aaron by my ex-boyfriend's best friend and ex-girlfriend, who is now my home girl. See, that's the kind of friend making that makes sense to me. It's serendipitous. It's fate. Shit, we had people telling us that we shouldn't be friends because we dated the same guy, which by the way makes zero fucking sense but whatevs. So against all odds we have come together and we both happen to enjoy hoppy beers, white wine in the summer and she loves my baby. Soon she will be adopting a baby and that will be awesome because then Ellis won't be the only baby in the bar. Bar/restaurants OKAY! Don't freak out.

So Aaron told me that I need to get over my shit and start making friends. Which I will do, as soon as I figure out how to juggle being a full-time mom, a full-time executive and a full-time scaredy cat.


  1. I think that children start out as an impediment to new friends and then actually become a new catalyst. When Johnathon and June were your daughter’s age I was so wrapped up in just trying to survive motherhood that I pretty much became a recluse. Now though, I have some good friends who are also parents. It helps when your kids can start to play together and leave you alone. It’s difficult to nurture an established friendship, let alone a new one, when you aren’t able to finish a sentence and constantly have a nipple in someone else’s mouth 

  2. Very true! Ellis seems to sense when I am edging towards paying more attention to something other than her. Screams of dismay and anger quickly follow.

  3. That was so great. I go along your writing and think, "oh, that was the funniest, stand-out line..." And then, soon enough, there's another, and another, and I've forgotten my first favorites. So GREAT! Love these. So, probably since it was near the end I retained this as so hilarious: "then Ellis won't be the only baby in the bar." Love. xo