Monday, April 7, 2014


Compared to my twenties, I am practically a health nut. Unfortunately, my personality does not allow for a lot of down time. Case in point, I studied my arse off for approximately 5 months for my licensing exam, took it and passed on March 22nd and then by April 2, I had started writing a book.

I'm someone who believes in manifestation. I believe in the power of positivity, the power of {{{feeling}}}, the power of envisioning where you want to be and letting yourself marinate in that reality until it comes true. I listen to podcasts on my commute, I watch youtube videos late at night (I switch between manifestation videos and Jenna Marbles) and I read articles and ebooks on gratitude, abundance and attracting the kind of life I want. I really hate admitting this because it seems like people equate abundance to financial wealth. I'm not poor but I also have more earning potential in my future. In my opinion though, financial wealth is only a piece of the puzzle. Abundance to me means passionate and fulfilling relationships, doing work that you love and that you feel excited about, being physically vibrant and strong, feeling deeply connected, guided, and loved by the Gold Thread (God), as I like to call it. Money is part of it and it comes easily when all of the above is being tended to.

I hope you all don't think I'm a nutter. Aaron finds my manifestation talk pretty ridiculous and always brushes it off by saying, "Well, worst case scenario Hun, at least you're thinking positively." He is right and also he doesn't get it. What he does get however, is the second part of manifestation. Habits. I'm sure sitting on a pillow and feeling the feelings of abundance has worked for some people but for me, a very vital part of all this are my habits. What is my time spent on? Am I working towards abundance in all of it's facets or is what I'm doing pulling me farther away? Am I working towards greater wealth or farther away (enter my ebay addiction)? Am I working towards physical health or away from it (she inserts wine into mouth)? How are the quality of my thoughts? Am I worried? Panicked? Or calm, full of faith, relaxed and confident? When my mind starts to reel, do I have a method to stop my thoughts and remind myself to focus on the positive (hair tie on wrist, very helpful for thought stopping).

This morning I found myself asking these questions. I have learned to be kinder to myself and slightly less drill Sargentesk but I hold myself to a high standard I find that I'm actually easier on myself when I'm harder on myself, if that makes any sense at all. Here's an example, I went on a run this evening and recently my runs have been hard. I've struggled near the end and I find myself in a mental battle. One voice says, "I'm tired. I've had a long day. I have a lot to do when I get home. I just want to stop running now." The other voice, who by the way has become so much more polite and understanding says, "I know you're tired. You have been working hard but this good for you and this is easy. You can do anything. This is easy." The other voice protests but not for long and 9 times out of 10, my body feels more energized, and I am always so happy after I run.

So, Habit #1 that I want to share with all of you, for accountability reasons, is Positive Self-Talk. I've said some pretty awful things to myself in the last 34 years and the reasons why I did have never been real but it took me a long time and a lot of therapy to understand that. The icing on the cake was Ellis though. I hold this vision of her sitting cross-legged on her dorm bed late at night, getting to know her roommate who is hopefully not crazy and telling her all about her mom and how I taught her to believe in herself, to be confident and kind to herself and always, always know that everything is going to work out well. I love the quote by Marianne Williamson, "If you knew who walked beside you on this path you have chosen, fear would be impossible."

Habit #2: I will write a blog entry once a week. I wrote Dear Dora, my weekly relationship advice column in the Taos News for nearly a decade and there were plenty of weeks that I did not feel up to writing, let alone dolling out relationship advice (so awkward when you're going through a break up). Still, I felt accountable to my editor and my readers, who incidentally would approach me asking if I was sick or had quit the column on the rare occasion I did not write that week. While I don't expect anyone to give me shit in the coffee line if I don't write a blog entry, it helps to at least pretend that there is an expectant group of readers out there who depend on me to follow through.

Habits are best served in small portions so that's it for tonight. I will see you in a week +1 day because I plan on writing on Tuesdays.


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