Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Shake, Shake, Shake

I have a long and sordid relationship with astrology. My mom listened to Joseph the Starwatcher in the car. He came on twice a day and I pretty much did everything I could to distract her right before but she never missed him once. She would actually interrupt me and say, excitedly, "Oh! Joseph is on honey!" And it would begin. His slow, melodic, soothing voice would start going through the seemingly endless list of astrological signs and it always felt like he was talking to us in a bathrobe. I think the thing that bothered me the most though, besides the fact that I found it utterly dull was that my mom would listen to her horoscopes, yes, you read correctly, horoscopes. She has convinced herself and everyone else that she has two birthdays. She's a Virgo and a Libra so I had to listen to those two, Aries because of my oldest brother, Aquarius because of my youngest brother, and she would always get really excited right before mine came on, "Oh, oh, oh! Gemini is next, Gemini is next!" I would stare at her from the backseat thinking, "Seriously woman? I do not care. I am 13, someone tried to kick my ass at school today, I stink, I'm in love with someone who doesn't know I exist and I would run away if I had not watched all those horror movies at my friend's house last weekend and therefore can not be farther than 4 feet from you at all times."

It took several years for me to figure out that astrology could provide insight into love relationships. Once that happened, I was hooked. I became the person who nonchalantly, and this is mortifying to admit, asked men I was interested in, when their birthdays were. At first knowing that they were a Virgo or a Taurus or whatever, sufficed. I could read their horoscope in the newspaper and eventually online but I became suspicious upon realizing that probably not all, say Pisces were going to fall in love this week. Really? All of them? Huh. That can't be right. So, tragically, I graduated to subtly trying to find out what time someone was born and where. It's true. My college roommate would groan and leave me at the bar. It must have been very embarrassing. Anyway, most people fell right into that rabbit hole. People in LA are not exactly shy about talking about themselves. Only a few asked if I was going to do their astrological chart, to which I would laugh loudly and then say something to the effect of, "Um, no. I don't really believe in that stuff, do you?" Obviously once I got the information I would promptly go home and do their astrological chart. My roommate would mutter, back turned towards me, "So, how does it look." "Bad. Very bad. Definitely not pursuing that one." Or, "Good! He's my astrological soul mate!" It was ridiculous and in hindsight, a very entertaining way to filter people.

I loved astrology until a couple years ago. On the night of Aaron's accident, there was an eclipse and I happened to have read my horoscope that day and it said that "life will never be the same after tonight." I had already begun my rapid descent from believing in the stars but still, I warned Aaron to be careful because apparently, and I repeated what my horoscope had said.

After the accident I think I got so busy and so bogged down with reality, I had no time and very little desire to read my horoscope. Shit sucked, didn't need to read about it. When that was over though and life gradually returned to normal, I started paying attention to two astrological phenomena: 1. mercury retrograde periods because knowing when technology is going to be effed helps ensure that I will not throw my electronic devices across the room. 2. Eclipses. After the accident I started looking back and some pretty crazy things have gone down at eclipse time. Bad things like being mugged at knife point in London, leaving a significant relationship after it literally blew up in my face, etc., and good things like new jobs and falling in love and starting college.

Truth be told, eclipses scare the crap out of me. I don't mind change. I am a highly adaptive person and I think the process of shedding our skin is good and healthy but I don't like abrupt change, I don't like traumatizing change and I don't like my life looking one way on Tuesday and a completely different way on Wednesday. This is what eclipses do. Whatever excess baggage you are carrying it's like the universe picks you up, shakes the shit out of you, gets rid of your baggage and then places you not so gently back on the ground. It's rude and I don't like it. I mention all this because we are in between two eclipses right now and I can't help but wonder what part of my life will shake.

I feel solid with my family. Everyone is in reasonably good health. There are no dormant volcanos ready to burst. I feel pretty good about myself so hopefully I won't shake. My job is not the most stable thing on the planet right now though. Lot's afoot. Decisions to be made. Conversations to be had. Meditation and prayer to commence. So, there it is. The job will probably shake. It's funny when you have felt something like this creeping up. "Something is going to shift," I kept telling my close colleague. "Can't you feel it?" He looks at me like I'm a nutter, "No, Dorothy, the only thing I feel shifting is my large intestine. Can we please go get food?!"

I'll keep you posted and in the meantime I will brace myself with thoughts of what adventures await me and cushion the blow with visualizations of my soul's desires waiting for my on the other side. Clarity and positive thinking are the magic wands of the universe, just FYI.

Until next week, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic87SfqQAAM

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