Wednesday, April 16, 2014


I would make a really good fanatical religious person. I pretty much believe that most of the things that happen to me are personal signs from God. Take for instance when there is only one cheese Danish left at the coffee shop and I happen to have not had breakfast. Hello? Sign! "And one cheese Danish please."

Other signs are more complex of course. I'll explain but you need some background. So, the reason this blog is late is because last night I took a half of an Ambien because I have been freaking out about my career and the night before last I was freaking out so bad I didn't go to sleep until 3 am. I got a lot done mind you, including putting half my closet up for sale on eBay, but when you're a mom of a 2.5 year old, and a Senior Executive, going to bed at 3 am is not an option. Last night I knew I needed to sleep and I couldn't really stomach another non-verbal conversation with Aaron wherein he looks at me like I'm losing my mind and I look at him like, "Don't judge me man." So, enter Ambien. That stuff is crazy. Crazy effective and crazy dangerous. I will spare you my lecture on pharmaceuticals and just say that I slept very, very well last night. Not entirely sure why I brought that up, besides to explain why this is a day moving on.

Career: I have THE BEST BOSS in the entire world. Seriously, she and my mom are the most inspirational women I know. I love everything about working for her, even when she sends me crazy long email chains and I spend hours figuring out what she wants me to do with it. She's an exceptional woman and she has made me a desirable and indispensable employee. Our company took a huge blow though when our moronic Governor decided to accuse us of Medicaid fraud without explanation, without proof, and without due process. We have been attempting to recover personally and financially ever since. It's a scary time and nothing is certain.

I was offered another job yesterday and it's comparable in all ways to the position I hold now, except its in Behavioral Health, which is my love. And my boss doesn't work there. I have therefore enjoyed a 48-hour internal struggle that compares to little else I've experienced thus far. That's the background. The following is the sign from God:

My first born, Nina, a brown lab/Aussie mix, aka, crazy, has been trained to do three things: sit, lie down, and come. She is able to do all three but chooses to only do two. She is however, probably as smart as a 4-year-old. She opens doors, hides my car keys, plays Jaco (her little brother) like a fool, and apparently she knows how to soft-mouth small animals and bring them to me still alive, without internal injuries. Last night she brought me a baby bunny. The bunny was fine internally but it's hind legs had been broken. Not a good thing to have happen when you're a wild animal. I put it in a box, wrapped it in a blanket, fed it water from a dropper, and then took it to the Wildlife Center just outside of town. On the way to the Wildlife Center, I had an "aha" moment: This is just like my career woes! The bunny is my current job and I could have left the bunny outside to be eaten by a coyote or freeze to death but instead I brought it inside, I took a chance on it (even though Aaron told me the bunny wouldn't survive the night) and I did everything I could to help it survive. When I woke up the next morning (from my Ambien coma), the bunny was up, alert and totally pissed off to be in a box. Good sign! So on the way to the Wildlife Center I thought, "See, you have to fight for the things you believe in, even when the chances of survival are slim." Approximately 5 minutes later, the vet at the Center told me they were going to humanely euthanize the bunny. Well shit. Ok, then. If the bunny is my job and I did everything I could to save it and it's still going to die...what then?


  1. Wow what a struggle. Strangely, I am facing the exact same struggle right now with the same pros to the current job and similar cons and same type potential pros/cons to the possible. I'm gonna start looking for signs. Good luck!

  2. Good luck to you as well. My mentor says, "Dorothy, follow your heart and money and happiness will come."