Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Cheers to Birthdays

I don't have much to report on my birthday except that I'm sitting on the couch in my underwear drinking an expensive bottle of Pinot Noir. I don't plan on drinking the entire bottle but let's be honest, it could happen.

I love my birthday. Always have. Even though I struggle with all the same insecurities as everyone else, and maybe a few more, deep down I really do like myself. Which is why this moment, alone, couch, underwear, wine, is so divine. I have never minded being by myself. I don't like being by myself in the forest because I'm convinced that there are forest ghosts who will eat me. I also don't really like being alone at night if any scary movie previews have recently snuck into my psyche. I feel much safer now that I have a child, which I realize makes absolutely no sense whatsoever but still, she protects me when Aaron is out saving the forest ghost's homes.

I also like my birthday because I love cake and I love an excuse to do whatever I want for an entire day. For the most part, I'm pretty hard on myself. I work hard, it's usually never good enough and so once a year I like to relish in the practice of utter relaxation, celebration, laziness, gratuitous online shopping, avoiding phone calls, and whatever else strikes my birthday girl fancy.

I always indulge myself in some reflection of the year that has passed. For instance, I became a wife this year. That was a pretty big deal. I scored my dream job (I have a few dream jobs. One down, three to go). Ellis turned three and learned to say things like, "Actually mom, ___________ [insert demand], that's the deal." And "I love you mom, this many (and she holds up her splayed out fingers and toes)." I embraced my OCD and got rid of all the furniture in the house that was causing psychiatric distress. I committed again to my spiritual practice which never fails to transform my life in every possible way. I completed a squat challenge, but unfortunately my ass still doesn't look like the asses in the magazines (speaking of asses, mine is doing much better. Thank you for your support and happy birthday to me). I stopped saying everything that came to my mind. Turns out, that doesn't work for me, so I'll be going back to the way I was before. You've been warned. I went to Belize, which was nice but apparently what happens in Belize, doesn't stay in Belize. Hashtag double botfly abortion. I learned some new things and made some new friends. Also huge, I mastered self-tanning lotion. I had a million, maybe more, I don't know, wasn't counting, moments of complete contentment looking at my child, laughing with Aaron, listening to the Aspen leaves slapping hands, watching water move effortlessly around obstacles in its way, comparing my hands to my moms and realizing for the first time that we have the same pinkies.

I think this year I am grateful for my gratitude. I'm happy I can recognize how fun and sweet my life is. Cheers you guys! I think 36 is going to be the best yet!

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