Friday, September 28, 2012

Purgy Purgy

I haven't diagnosed myself in awhile so here goes: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. This is not manifesting mind you, in having to wash my hands until they crack open, or count to 14 before I step into the front door, no, no, for me it's all about the purge. I just have this unshakable desire to throw away all of our crap. When I see our house in my mind I see something completely different than the reality of the situation, which is chaos and over-consumption. So every now and then, like tonight for example, I gather the troops, i.e., trash bags, and I start going through my clothes because really it's my clothes that are the biggest issue. I toss a shirt into the "give-away" bag, and then pass by ten articles of clothing, throw the eleventh in the "give-away" bag, and so on and so forth. This is not working! At the end of my every-tenth-article-of-clothing-must-go I still have way too many f-ing clothes. Someone once told me that if I haven't worn something in six months, get rid of it. That does not work for someone who was recently-ish pregnant. I haven't worn any of the clothes I love so much in almost two years, so essentially I have two wardrobes, the one I can fit into now and the one I used to fit into but will NEVER get rid of because then I've conceded to never fitting into them again and that ain't gon' happen people. So the two wardrobes stay and so do the duck decoys (that is ALL Aaron). I may just be a moderate hoarder. No, it can't be. I throw stuff away weekly, but the big purge, the one I'm really needing, has yet to happen.

So, where is this coming from? Well, Aaron and I have been house hunting. I know, exciting! The first house that I was interested in was big and roomy and I had a lot of fantasies about how much space Ellis would have to strut her stuff. I also had a lot of fantasies about how much closet space there was and how I wouldn't have to get rid of anything ever again! Alas, this house was a shit show. I equated it to Aaron, as he is gone on a fire, to a really hot girl who's all screwed up. It looks pretty but it's all messed up inside. The heating system was, excuse the expression, retarded, the septic system would have been a pain in the ass, the windows don't open without beating them, and the roof leaks, like everywhere. We found this out before the inspection so I who knows what else was wrong with it. I can't stomach spending as much money as they were asking to have that big of a to-do list when we moved in so I canned it. I'm not one to sit around a mope, so the very same day I found house #2, which is considerably smaller but was constructed beautifully, efficiently and is immaculate inside. So immaculate that I instantly thought, "We are too messy to move in here! We will have start all over! IKEA here we come!" Aaron doesn't know this by the way and its all his furniture that we would be getting rid of so I hope he doesn't mind. Anyway, we haven't even made an offer and I'm already wanting to purge our stuff so we don't mar the beauty that is this house.

So this is my game plan. I need a girlfriend or two and a bottle of wine or two to sit with me and help purge  my clothes. If you ask me I won't get rid of anything, I love every piece! My friends, they won't care, they'll be brutal and I will argue but I will let them win. This new house, should it become ours, deserves only the best.

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